Saturday, November 10, 2012

Breaking News: New Santa Anita CEO Named, Details Future Plans

It's official, a new Santa Anita CEO has been named.

"At about 8:15PM last evening, Frank Stronach called and we shot the breeze for a little while. We spoke about our love for Austrian flat taxes, strudel, and horses" said PTP. "Not long after, and before we both knew it, we shared a Frank's Energy Drink and toasted our new future together."

"He has a one year contract, that could be shortened to a week and a half, " said the auto parts magnate. "I see the team he's bringing in and I expect him to last many, many years, though".

The team, and new ideas announced are eye-opening. Here are a few of them.

The new liaison between the Thoroughbred Owners of California and management will be Ray Paulick.

"I'm happy to welcome Ray aboard. We get along famously, agree on almost everything; we're the proverbial two peas in a pod. Ray has been a big TOC backer in the past, and word is that they singlehandedly paid his entire Paulick Report team with advertising for something like five years. Anyone that has that kind of pull with them should be on the new team. I am delighted he said yes", noted PTP.

"I am thrilled to be on the team. As you all know the TOC was borne in the mid-1850's from the "Protect Steam Engine" movement and there are still elements of that which remain in the organization," said Bacon. "It is my job to work with them to embrace our vision of great racing, deep fields, lower takeout, and severe penalties for cheaters. I think we have a real shot because they are very open-minded. I'm more excited than the time I ran from Lexington to Louisville in 1982 shorts and tube socks."

We're proud to announce the new Director of Publicity is: The DRF. 

"The DRF is a big racing paper and it's been around for at least 30 years" said PTP. "Almost every story I read revolves around their love of dirt, so I figure hey, we got dirt, let's roll"

"We don't usually take a position with one racetrack, but if we do well here we can spread the love of dirt all across California," said DRF. "Golden Gate, Del Mar, good luck after we're done with you."

We are pleased the new Music Director is Brad Cummings. 

"This was an easy choice, and we are so happy Brad said yes." said PTP. "I had him slated for several posts because he's a winner. As he mentioned about 187 times, he ran some wing of the Kentucky GOP, and if you notice what happened last Tuesday, the GOP took Kentucky by a huge margin. I've been to Kentucky and I know how liberal it is. To win with that kind of margin was clearly all Brad."

"I am surprised and happy he called me" said Brad. "I didn't have the heart to tell him that he mixed up Connecticut and Kentucky, but that's what Canadian's do from time to time. I'll be running the mixes in between races, and it will be dependent upon the clientele that day. Looking over the demographics, some of the bands I want to start spinning are Perry Como, Doris Day with some early Elvis to shake things up."

Special Advisor to the President (who is me!): Joseph Drape.

"One thing we need in racing is more mainstream press. Joe works and writes for the New York Times, so that has to be good" said PTP "I have not read what he has written about horse racing but a lot of people in the sport seem to talk about him a lot. You can't go on twitter without seeing 'Joe Drape this and Joe Drape that'. You can't buy that kind of publicity. Welcome aboard Joe."

"I was a little blown away being asked, but I accept. I can't wait to have my free all access pass to the backstretch so I can do some great promotion." said Joe.

"I need a horseman who respects and likes our customers, so in an very easy choice, I have enlisted the services of Jeff Mullins as the new customer service manager. I am so happy he said yes."

"I don't really know why he asked me, because I think our customers are insane, but he's paying me 50 grand so what the hell" said a very happy Mullins.

New Marketing Director: Gene Simmons

Just kidding, that's silly.


Wish me luck. I won't be writing much here on the blog, so if you have any complaints, please email Jeff Mullins and he'll get right back to you.

Thanks for all your best wishes and we hope to see you at the winter meet!


1 comment:

Nicehorsey said...

Made my Sunday morning.