Monday, October 14, 2013

The PTP Notebook, Questions With Sid Fernando


Most of you have heard of the America’s Best Racing Notebook, where they interview someone in racing. I read them each week and whoever thought of it thought of a pretty good idea. Since I have no creativity, I think I will start the PTP Notebook and run it each week, or since I have the attention span of a housefly, until I am bored. 

Who better to start off the PTP Notebook interview series than with Sid Fernando, the most interesting man in racing ®. 

PTP Notebook: Hi Sid, first question, how did you become the world’s foremost expert on horse sex?

Horses in field
Sid Fernando:  Great question! It all started back in the late 1960’s. My folks took me for a drive through upstate New York and we were passing by a field. There I saw two horses mating, right there, right in the open. I was fascinated. I asked my parents what they were doing and they told me they were just playing game of some sort, but I had a suspicion it was something different. When I turned 20 or 21 and learned about the birds and the bees I immediately immersed myself in everything there was to learn about horses having sex. I read, I watched movies, I attended horse breedings. That one episode is why I’m at where I am today.

PTP Notebook: Rumor has it you have traveled the World to learn about horse sex. Is this true, or is it just part of your persona?

Sid's Monk Friend
Sid Fernando: No, it’s true. I once traveled to Mongolia to study their ancient sires, along with learning all I could about Mongolian craft beer. A monk in the hills of Northern Ulan Bator took me under his wing and introduced me the concept of Eastern Asian black type. We also smoked some sort of pipe and knit a peace quilt.  It was a great experience. 

PTP Notebook: You live in New York now. Is it a hotspot for horse sex?

Sid Fernando: Not really, but we do have a few tracks. If I rode the subway I would go to them, but I don’t. 

PTP Notebook: Speaking of that, most of our readers are from horse racing flyover country, like Kentucky. They have this strange stereotypical view of New York; they think it’s for bike riders, that the New York Times hates horse racing, the mayor has looked at eliminating food from restaurants, the number one spectator sport is yoga and President Obama is considered a right wing extremist. Can you set them straight?

Sid Fernando: I don’t like yoga.

PTP Notebook: The foal crops are receding of late. Why are fewer horses having horse sex on a regular basis?

Sid Fernando: I saw O_Crunk’s tweets on twitter about this recently and it is an issue. Some groups have  been giving out contraception devices but it’s more than that. It seems a lot of people are not buying horses like they used to.

PTP Notebook: What can be done about this? And have you ever met O_Crunk? What does he look like?

Sid Fernando: We need to get more people buying horses, by increasing purses. To increase purses we need more customers. Like my Mongolian mentor used to say: A rolling stone gathers moss when it snowballs down a hill, and when the stone hits the water, the water rises to float all boats. We need more stones that roll, which are situated near a body of water. Then again, he smoked the pipe before he told me that, so maybe that's all wrong.
o_crunk

As for O_Crunk, I have met him. He looks exactly like his twitter picture.

PTP Notebook: Word has it that you and Joe Drape once met to share ideas on racing’s growth. Can you share some details?

Sid Fernando: I don’t know who Joe Drape is.

PTP Notebook: Here are some quick hits. Favorite restaurant?

Sid Fernando: Friendly’s

PTP Notebook: Favorite sire.

Sid Fernando: Seattle Slew. Word is he could breed a thousand mares if he wanted to. He was excellent at horse sex.

PTP Notebook: Favorite trainer?

Sid Fernando: Mike De Kock

PTP Notebook: Favorite currency

Sid Fernando: I am partial to the Vietnamese Dong. I am unsure why.

PTP Notebook: Thanks for your time Sid.

Sid Fernando: Thank you PTP Notebook.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone, and I promise, no more stupid satirical posts until at least a month, or later in the week. And a note, the fake Sid above extolls a layer of truth to the real Sid. The real Sid does know a lot about horse breeding. More than anyone I know, here, or as far away as Mongolia.


1 comment:

Sal Carcia said...

This post should be required reading somewhere! The wisdom here cannot be masked by wit. Happy Thanksgiving to you and all our wonderful northern neighbors.