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The Del Mar Stolen Ambulance: Cub Reporter Inside Scoop

I was recently reading the story about the fellow who stole the ambulance at Del Mar, went the wrong way in the stretch, and caused quite the fracas at the seaside oval. So far the details have been sketchy.

Coincidentally, I open my email this morning and it's from Cub Reporter, the no-holds-barred underground gumshoe journalist, who from time to time has the inside scoop on such matters. He did not disappoint. He asked me not to reprint his work, but as usual I publish his work for you here.

Ambulance Theft a Bold Statement, by Cub Reporter

Much has not been released about Saturday's stolen ambulance situation at Del Mar Racetrack. Cub Reporter has been working the phone, the email, the SMS, the tweets, the instagrams, the facebook, even the Myspace and the Usenet to find out more.

"I took it", said former minor league baseball star, serial emailer and horseplayer advocate "Racetrackandy".

"I wanted to highlight the stewards this meet. They've been not calling fouls, calling phantom fouls. I think they've done a poor job for horseplayers and I want the world to know", noted Andy.

When asked how stealing an ambulance could do that, the young emailer said:

"If you notice I swerved and took out the stretch pole, then I opened the back door and released a stretcher which interfered with the outrider chasing me. Look at the board. They didn't even put up the inquiry sign. Another thing I found was that when I was on the inside the ambulance drove like a song, when I moved into the five path it was like I was stuck in sand. Del Mar should go back to dirt"

 "Anyway, this is why I was not on twitter all day Monday. Just sayin'," he said.

When asked for a comment, a Del Mar spokesman said, "Although we encourage good clean fun, like Miss Cougar Contests, next meets Miss Extreme Cougar contest, and other contests with chicks, we found this an overstep. We're proud of our track biases, stewards and what Del Mar stands for. We support our ambulance and the community."

Joe Drape, on the scene covering the story for a new piece called 'Disarray at Del Mar, Mangled Ambulances' said. "We're going to have to look at getting the Fed's involved in regulating ambulances at racetracks. It's obvious. This sport cannot police itself."

Others were no so sure this was even a story.

Contacted in Austria at a press conference announcing tax credits for the poor if they buy Frank's Energy Drink, the King of Magna said, "Who's Racetrackandy?"

The CHRB head just said, "F#)@)#, f#)$)@ Andy."

Others had some agreement. A bespectacled anonymous trainer concurred on the dirt part.

"Far be it from me to agree with Andy, but yes, we should be going back to dirt. The path Andy chose proves it. We need a fair, unbiased dirt track like Santa Anita." he said.

Sitting with him, a large California owner nodded in the affirmative. He was unable to speak because he was eating a whole bunch of McNuggets. Man, that dude loves McNuggets. I've never seen anything like it.

When asked how the dirt track would be put in, it was suggested that the Players Pick 5 low 14% takeout be doubled to make "double the money".

As with anything in California, there's always a twist. Just this morning, Cub Reporter was contacted by RacetrackAndy's legal representation:

"ANDY DID NOT DO THIS. IT WAS A SET UP FROM THE TOC. AT A LAVISH PARTY THEY HELD RECENTLY WITH KING CRAB, FRESH ALASKAN SALMON AND CAVIAR, A PLAN WAS HATCHED TO PUT ANDY IN THE SLAMMER.  WE'LL GET TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS AND HEADS WILL ROLL." said my source.

Cub Reporter will stay on this story. Until next time. Good luck and good racing. So long from Del Mar.




Comments

Anonymous said…
Much better than Indian Charlie ever could be, PTP.