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Cub Reporter Sniffs out the Santa Anita "Tweaks to the Betting Menu"

Today it was reported that Santa Anita "will be proposing some modifications to both our wagering menu and associated takeout rates for the forthcoming traditional meet."

I know, I know, as a horseplayer this frightens you more than a late night text from Anthony Weiner.

I have called around and I found out some inside information on these takeout changes and 'tweaks' along with their promotions, though, as a public service. Cub Reporter, the underground reporter beholden to no one (not even that dude who bought the Thoroughbred Times), informs me he has clandestinely sat in meetings where, and I quote (because I am putting those little quote signs around it) "I've got the scoop".

"It seems everyone was invited for their opinion, in a big board meeting at Frank Stronach's compound, which strangely looks a lot like that place in Austria that Charles Bronson and Donald Sutherland broke into in the Dirty Dozen." said Cub.

"Some of the suggestions were not great, but some seemed to have merit. Even Stronach nodded at a couple while stroking a cat" he noted.

"As far as I can tell here are the ones that gained the most traction". said Cub.
  • An increase in takeout rates of 5% across the board, accompanied with a coupon for free extra hummus from Binder's Falafal Truck on food truck day. 
  • An increase in takeout rates of 4% across the board, but two free poster days a month. Poster subjects to include Bo Derek in her Tommy Boy appearance, and to stay cost effective, some leftover posters of Best Pal. 
  •  A new bet: The super high five five. You have to hit the super high five five times in a row. Takeout is 45%, with 44% of it going to the TOC to help make four horse fields five horse fields. This one had some opposition. The CHRB chair said "That's f*&#(@ stupid. M&#(@)$ f*#&@r."
  • An increase in takeout rates of 6% on exotics, but unlimited free balls for the Andy Asaro Dunk Tank on Racetrack Executive Appreciation Day.
  • An increase of takeout rates of 5%, but a free walk by the new 143 million dollar chandelier. If you want to touch it, it will cost you a dollar.
  • Frank's Energy Drink Discount Day. If you buy a $9 beer, you get a coupon for 35 cents off a Frank's Energy Drink. 
  • An increase in takeout rates of 2% in WPS to "be more competitive with Assiniboia Downs", along with a free autograph session with the after races band "Wang Chung". "We normally charge for this" said an unnamed exec. 
  • A 5% takeout increase on all bets, but at the end of the meet someone wins a new Blackberry. 
  • A new Halloween promo where kids can get dressed up as their favorite horses or riders and trick or treat in the Turf Club. Note: Kids will be warned beforehand that if they visit the TOC table they will have two thirds of their candy taken away.
  • "Rolling Doubles" where the daily double takeout doubles each race, so in the last race if someone hits it, they owe the track money.
If Cub Reporter is right, it will be interesting to see how many of these new items pass, and how fans and bettors respond to them.

Comments

Anonymous said…
Haven't laughed out loud, (while reading) for a long long time. So many thanks for the article above. Truly hilarious. I now have my fix.
Anonymous said…
Seen multiple press releases from SA that have hinted at changes, but are any new low takeout exotic wagers such as the 50 cent P-5 now available? Seriously doubt it. The $2 Pick 6 bonus is better than nothing, but it is only once a week and mostly favors the huge syndicate tickets. This change alone is not enough.