"This was a late change, just decided today. Perhaps due to that big Awards show with the stars last weekend," Cub Reporter told me.
"The back story - TVG was trying to get the ratings up so they could sell commercials to big Pharma and the My Pillow Guy so they hired Twitter's Inside the Pylons to host. But, they received his monologue this weekend. It was Africa hot," Cub relayed.
As most know, ITP is warm and cuddly, but he does share a barb or two on the twitter, and it can cross the line.
"What was too hot to handle?" I asked Cub.
"The dude had some seriously sharp bits. On condition of anonymity, an NTRA organizer sent me the Cliff's notes. I'll share them with you, but for gosh sake, do not post them on that silly blog of yours, even if no one reads it."
So, below are anonymous's notes:
- For ITP's opening monologue he wanted to invite dozens of horseplayers into the room. They'd sit beside each attendee and consume 25% of their Foie Gras while he recited Parx takeout rates.
- He wanted the Reporter of the Year Eclipse to be presented by Jeremy Balan.
- He had a joke about it being the last year for the Eclipse Awards due to the rule change that a horse had to make 8 starts to qualify for an award.
- He wrote a bit about the America's Best Racing team going on vacation and asking Serling to manage their twitter feed and when they got back their 18,347 followers were blocked.
- He wanted the in-memoriam segment to be presented by the CHRB.
- He had a joke that if you wanted a pdf of all award winners you'd have to go to Equibase.com, log in, and pay $14.99.
- There were liability issues. He wanted to hire a Pat Cummings lookalike and have him run through the hall knocking everyone over while screaming "no foul, category one!"
- He wrote a joke about the only thing a trainer fearing more than a Bob Baffert chalk in a Grade I is a backstretch worker with an accountant.
- He wanted the Ortiz brothers to play Trump and Putin in a collusion skit.
- His bit with a chart illustrating "purses per country per human rights violation" was a complete non-starter.
- He talked about a new sitcom he created for late night on TVG. It'd be a spinoff of the Brady Bunch where Marcia tries to get her dad Rob committed and take his architecture business for herself. We weren't sure what he was getting at, but it felt too hot.
- He wanted to present the Innovation Eclipse to a ghost.
- He had a bit where he showed pictures of the nation's former great racetracks as shopping malls. If that wasn't bad enough, he wanted it to be sponsored by CDI.
- He made a joke that in 2019 handle was down but purses were up. We nixed it because before he said a punch line it might draw applause and make us look out of touch.
If I may add some personal commentary: I'm as tough on racing as many, but I think they were right to keep ITP floating on his floaty in his pool, playing Delta Downs on his iPad next Thursday. Some things are too hot, and right now, ITP is way too hot.
Have a nice Tuesday everyone, and enjoy the ITP-less Eclipse Awards.