Monday, April 1, 2013

Today's April 1st Press Release & Other Notes

Lets get today's Big Press Release out of the way first.

Preakness Moved Back Two Weeks. Goes Head to Head With the Kentucky Derby

Pimilco - April 1, 2013: Today Pimlico is pleased to announce that the Kegasus Preakness Stakes Brought to you by Ikea, Air Power, Wal Mart, Jiffy Lube and Adena Springs Energy Drink ® has been moved from two weeks after the Kentucky Derby to a post time exactly the same as the Kentucky Derby. 

"We've been experimenting running races right on top of each other at Gulfstream and Santa Anita and the results have been good", said spokesman Dott Scaruty. "We figure, hell, everyone is already here for the Derby, let's capitalize on it. We've upped the purse by $50,000 to try and attract more colts."

Also added this year at the behest of Horse Racing Commissioner Dichard Rutrow is a clenbuterol withdrawl time of seven minutes, mandatory lasix, and no detention barn. "We're trying to keep those commie Europeans out of the race" he noted. 

For bettors, a quadruple qaudrefecta Rainbow spread nine was announced. To hit the bet you must pick the winners of the first five races, along with the first through 9th finishers, all while downing four funnel shots in the infield. A bettor can cash if he or she is the only ticket holder. If no one hits the ticket, the proceeds go to backstretch improvements.

"We hope it attracts the younger crowd" said Scaruty.

Reaction across the sport was mixed. 

"As long as they offer lower takeout and take care of the fans, I'm okay with it, " said Pike Megram, head of the California Owners Who Love the Fans and Bettors (COWLTFAB). 

"If it doesn't overlap with The Following on FOX, it's a great idea", said Ray Cowlick of the Cowlick Report.

"With those two races and only one America's Best Racing Bus we will have to be creative." noted ABR's Penelope Miller. "The Brand Ambassadors might have to rent cars, but since none of them are 25 we could be in trouble."

"The Dodgers and Giants sometimes play against one another and it works, so if we follow their lead we should be fine" added David Belgium of the California Political Horse Racing Board (CPHRB).

Churchill Downs management was unavailable to be quoted but the receptionist wanted anyone who reads the press release to sign up for betting on both events at "If you bet over $30,000 on the cards we'll give you a free Kentucky Derby baseball cap," she said.

On the other side, trainer Meff Jullins said "you have to be an idiot to bet the quadruple qaudrefecta Rainbow spread nine"

Further, Tim from Brooklyn called into the Steve Pick show and simply said "Horse racing is insane." Pick then went into a 36 minute uninterrupted monologue about why Tim was wrong; although the last 11 minutes of the soliloquy was about how much he loved NYRA.

We hope all fans can make it to this years new improved Kegasus Preakness Stakes Brought to you by Ikea, Air Power, Wal Mart, Jiffy Lube and Adena Springs Energy Drink ® and we look forward to seeing you on the first Saturday in May. 


That's my first ever April Fools post. If you want someone to blame, please blame this guy. He gave me the idea a bit ago.


Now that we got that out of the way - this whole Rudy Rodriguez thing seems to stink. In my opinion of course. If what is reported is true, and the banamine positive showed levels "through the roof", there is something terribly wrong. The dumbest trainer on the planet would think it's crazy. No one would knowingly do such a thing when they know they're going to be caught, and they have a Derby horse going in a month.

Nasty, nasty article on horse slaughter in the Toronto Star yesterday

Rosario "redeems himself" with Dubai World Cup win.

The Big M handled $3.3 million Saturday with nondescript races. Yonkers, with the Levy, the top drivers and trainers and about a half a million in purses brought in about $930,000.

Have an enjoyable day everyone.

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