Rachel Alexandra – More to Do

A big announcement occurred today at the unveiling of the Rachel Alexandra statue at her new Children’s Diabetes Center in Bangor, Maine.

“She is going next to meet with John McCain and Nancy Pelosi to bang out health care reform,” says Rachel’s junior partner, winemaker Jess Jackson. “It’s time. McCain is one Rachel can work with. Pelosi has some hard-liners to deal with, but with some work, Rachel says she can get it done.”

“I am looking forward to meeting her and sitting down,” says an unnamed congressman. “I saw her once in the Belmont backstretch and all the other horses were gathered around her. She was not even carrying carrots. She brings both equines and people together.”

This announcement follows the work Rachel has been doing with the Center for Disease Control in Atlanta, regarding the swine flu epidemic. Dr. David Breski of the CDC said “Yes, she is a horse, but she is in tune with all beings. She grew up at a farm near pigs so she knows pigs. We are seeing immediate success. Simply having her wear a mask and demonstrating to kids how to cough in their hooves when she visited a pre-school last weekend was good enough, but her knowledge and expertise on all things pathological has even trumped that.”

Seasoned watchers praise the filly’s ability to be a greater force for good.

Senator Robert Byrd of West Virginia (who sources say has been around since the Civil War), has seen stars come and go; and to Rachel, he was deferential. “She is as good as it gets. If she were President we would not have a deficit, we’d have racial harmony and everyone would love one another. I for one love her idea of paddock time instead of power lunches.”

Veterinary medicine is stunned at the filly, as well. Dr. Wilbur Injectahock of Birmingham Equine stated: “She don’t need no work. She runs, she runs, she runs. She don’t need no work. I want to give the hock needle, but she shakes her head – no. No needle. She puts vets like me out of business.”

However, there are still some who think she does not deserve her stardom.

“Ruffian would kick her ass” says Joe Rocomore, wiping mustard from a hot dog off his chin, from the Niagara Falls OTB, in New York. “Rachel this, Rachel that. It is becoming annoying. I know she did my taxes, delivered my cousin’s second child, fed the hungry in the Congo and all that. But for those who say that she is special, they are nuts.”

Pete from Westchester, in a call-in to Steve Byk’s radio show: “Other horses have won with higher Beyers” he said. When asked by Byk if going stout fractions, beating older male horses as a three year old, and overcoming all types of adversity in the Woodward (like when she had to take a cell-phone call from the President of UNICEF at the half about an upcoming charity appearance), Pete countered: “Rachel Smachel.”

A recent Rasmussen poll showed Rachel Alexandra was the most popular celebrity in the US, handily beating Tom Cruise, country super-group Rascal Flatts and that Sham-wow guy; but it appears that some handicappers are still waiting to pass judgment on her place in racing history. Time will tell I guess, but it appears the super-filly is not waiting around to find out. She has more to do.


OK, the above was of course a parody. But is it not funny in some quarters how handicappers can not see what they are seeing? At Paceadvantage, moderator and forum owner Mike started a new thread to combat some of the posters who will not give the filly credit. He says it better than I can. We thought we had trouble getting people to realize that Somebeachsomewhere was a tremendous specimen? They have more trouble in thoroughbred land.

Mike’s post about what she has done in racing in a thread titled “How can You Not Call Her Great?” (with files from Steve Haskin's excellent piece on Rachel at the Bloodhorse):

· The first filly to win three grade I races on dirt against males in a single year.
· The first filly to win the Woodward.
· No 3-year-old filly had ever defeated older males in a two-turn, grade I dirt race. The last to win a major two-turn dirt stakes over her elders was Misty Morn in the 1955 Gallant Fox Handicap.
· All year, Rachel has been flattered by horses she has trounced.
· Gabby's Golden Gal was beaten 29 1/4 lengths by Rachel in the Kentucky Oaks (gr. I) and came back to win the grade I Acorn Stakes in 1:34 3/5.
· Flashing was beaten 31 1/2 lengths by Rachel in the Mother Goose (gr. I) and came back to win the grade I Test Stakes by 1 1/2 lengths.
· Summer Bird was beaten 6 lengths by Rachel in the Haskell and came back to win the Travers Stakes by 3 1/2 lengths.
· Take the Points was beaten 32 3/4 lengths by Rachel in the Preakness and came back to win the grade I Secretariat Stakes.
· Just Jenda was beaten 11 3/4 lengths by Rachel in the Fantasy Stakes and came back to win the Monmouth Oaks by 4 1/4 lengths.
· Even Sara Louise, who was beaten 4 3/4 lengths by Rachel in last year's Golden Rod (gr. II), won the Victory Ride Stakes (gr. III) at Saratoga in 1:09 3/5 in her 3-year-old debut.

Great she is. And no, she does not have to balance the federal budget to prove it.


dana said...

Better than the Onion, well done! And hear, hear.

Colins Ghost said...

Brilliant! Very funny stuff.

I feel sorry for people who can't recognize great-ness when it is staring them right in the face.

I have no doubt that twenty years from now the haters will be telling their grand-kids that they saw Rachel.


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